No Free Beer

OK, so now I’ve told you about the absolute necessity of owning and dog-earing a copy of The Elements of Style. You follow through on that one piece of advice and you’re nearly all the way there.

We’ll now sweep up the details.

Here’s one detail: No one is reading your copy unless they have a good reason. You’re reading this because you want to know more about writing. Otherwise, you’d be reading about–I don’t know–handcuffs or Jenna Jameson. Or both simultaneously. The point is, with rare exceptions (e.g. articles that begin with headlines such as “Free Beer”), no one will read your writing unless they have a predisposed interest in what you have to say.*

This is, as Martha would say, a Good Thing.

It’s a good thing because when someone has an interest high enough that they bought a magazine, did a Google search or just stopped on a newspaper page that had your ad, they essentially bought the ticket to your show. The price they’re paying is their time and attention. The curtain goes up and you’re on stage. As the Hamburgians (Hamburgers?) used to yell at The Beatles in 1960: mach shau – “make show.” What are you going to give these folks in trade for their valuable attention? Huh?

Like a lot of folks, I have Post-its® around my office, pestering me. One says, “Here’s what we’re selling. Here’s what it will cost. Here’s what’s in it for you. Here’s why you should trust us.” Like most aphorisms, it sounds nice, but only approximates what is the truth. The Truth takes more words to explain. In this case, we’re trying to mach shau. But there are some big issues we first have to overcome.

Issue 1: Who is the audience? We’ve determined that whomever is taking the time to read our scribbling is at least somewhat interested in the thing we want to sell, but at what stage of the purchasing process are they? Are they folks who, just today, decided they would consider buying our product/service? Or are they folks who have made up their mind that they want what we have to sell–they’re just trying to decide if they should buy it from us. (There are, of course, gradations between these two extremes, but I’m trying to keep it simple here.)

So now you have to decide which audience to address. Group 1 (“oooo! I wonder what it would be like to have a new TV/car/TV/sexy bra/kitchen remodel/etc.”) or Group 2 (“ooo! I definitely know I want a new TV/car/TV/sexy bra/kitchen remodel/etc., and soon. Now I want to know who has the best at the best value.”)

My suggestions is to run two ads. One for one group. Another for the other. Because if you try to have one ad talk to both groups, you won’t be convincing enough.

For Group 1, you’ll want to reinforce their inclination toward buying your product/service. This means emphasizing benefits. Benefits, after all, are what people want. With this group, it’s better to say something such as “Plasma TVs are the bomb. They bring you the same pleasure as going to the movies, except you don’t have to put up with ill-mannered people. We have a big selection of them (TVs, not ill-mannered people) so you can decide directly which one you like the best.” And it’s probably not too soon to mention benefits such as “we’ll deliver it free of charge. And for a reasonable charge, we’ll mount it on your wall like a picture and you won’t have to see ugly wires and stuff. Plus, we’ve been doing this for many years and we know what we’re doing.”

The same approach applies to nearly every product. For example: “Fine lingerie is the bomb. It makes you feel more feminine and wearing it will make your mate want to touch you in a really nice way. We have a great selection, so the odds are good we have something that will look good on you.” You can add benefits such as “free champagne for shoppers.”

Right now, you may be thinking, "Well....duh."

The point is, your message to the Group 1 folks is “You’re correct in considering this product/service. It will make you feel good and is worth the money. Please consider spending that money at our store.” Talking to this group requires more kissy-face, because you’re trying to convince them to make two decisions: 1.) to buy your product/service and 2.) to buy it from your store.

Right about now, you may be thinking, “Well…duh.” But if it’s so easy and so intuitive, why do we see so much advertising that misses these simple targets? I challenge you today to watch TV, listen to the radio, read a magazine and so on, and note how common it is for the advertiser to mix messages, dilute their message, miss their message or be just plain boring. I would wager that most advertising you see fits this description. (There are pragmatic reasons for this malady, which we may get into later.)

Seriously. Do it. Watch your own media behavior today. Note how often you skip over, ignore or are even put-off by advertising–even of products and services you use. The purpose of these lessons is to help you avoid creating ads that have that effect on others.

More to come soon…


*Disclaimer #1. I am, of course, ignoring for expediency’s sake, a whole ton of advertising termed “intrusive” “interruptive” or “where’s the remote so I can skip this?” such as outdoor, radio and television. Let’s pretend for the moment that those don’t exist.